the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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