my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
