You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
