Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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