we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I will pee on everything he values.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
