i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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