I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
