break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
