So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
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