I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
