Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
