my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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