Nicole vs. Life
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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