oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
why do cheetos always look like penises
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
