ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Betty ford says i'm here all night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
