I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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