the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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