My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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