oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
