Who did Billy Mays play for?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
