I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
