O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
This show inspires me to have sex in space
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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