Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
