i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
