what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
