Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
