Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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