I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
