i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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