When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
