IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
