I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
