there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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