I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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