If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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