this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
