So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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