I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
