I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
