Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
