you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
