Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
