Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
