I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
