I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
