Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
