You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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