1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
