Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
