I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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