Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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