im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
