He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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