Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
