Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
