Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
